The other day I picked up my daughter from school, two of her friends were also tugging along. I always enjoy listening to the conversations these kids have because that’s the best way to know what’s going on in their lives. Suddenly one of the trio says “hey did you see Richa cry today during lunch. See we got our Maths marks today, looks like she failed”. But what is there to cry, asked my daughter. Hey don’t you know her Mom is so strict. Richa was worried about how her parents are going to scream at her when she goes back home. When you hear these conversations, it as a parent leaves you worried and as someone who is fascinated with studying child psychology, you are left to wonder as to how parenting style affects the child in the long run. Parenting style is often referred to as the parents’ response to the needs, demands and interests of the children as well as the way they supervise and discipline them. Of course, an individual’s parenting style would depend on:

1. His/her own upbringing
2. Life experiences that one goes through
3. The place one lives
4. The culture and values one is brought up with

Parenting style could be anything between very strict to very relaxed. Many a times the style could be a combination of both to a varying degree depending on the child and the prevalent situation. In most families both the parents have different parenting styles but the idea is to have a balance between the two and be in sync with each other. Let’s have a look at the different types of parenting styles and know for yourself where do you fit.

Strict Parenting Style

I remember having a friend in school whose favourite joke was “do you know, who Hitler was reborn as…its my Dad”. These parents are obsessed with control, order, rules being followed and they demand obedience. They do not leave any scope for discussions and negotiations. This behavior in extreme would mean using harsh words or even hitting if orders are not complied with (Research has proved that physical punishment can cause emotional problems for the child and can also damage the parent-child relationship). These parents also aren’t very expressive in showing warmth and affection.

How to recognize this style: Parents making statements like “You must do it because I said so” , “do what you are told” or may be “did I ask you to give your opinion”, “just listen to me, don’t talk”

Effect on children:

• Children struggle to make their own decisions even after growing up
• They learn to obey mostly out of fear rather than trying to make the right choice.
• They lack self-confidence and find it difficult to be independent
• Children brought up this way from the early years could show rebellious behaviour in their teens.

Neglectful Parenting Style

Experts call this style as the most damaging style of parenting. Sometimes even the most normal parents indulge in a temporary neglectful behaviour as a response to the child’s behaviour. But neglectful parenting as a normal way of parenting could be really alarming. These parents show little or no care towards the child’s emotional or physical needs. They again have no understanding of what is going on in their child’s life. There are no channels of communication between parents and children. There is either negative or no feedback when the child wants to share his experience. These parents could also be spending long periods of time away from home leaving the child alone and are also the ones making excuses for not being there with the child.

Effect on children:

• These children show definite lack of trust with parents and other adults.
• They find it difficult to form relationships with children of the same age.
• There is a complete lack of self-respect and self-esteem in these children.
• They lead a depressed life and don’t know whom to ask for help.
• These children are more likely to get into substance abuse etc.

Balanced Parenting Style

This style of parenting is also known as moderate, authoritative, flexible style.These parents show a good mix of strict and relaxed parenting style. They come across as loving, affectionate and supportive. Rules are set for acceptable behaviour but those are discussed and explained to the kids. They are kind but firm disciplinarians and kids are made to understand as to why rules are important. They give their children enough freedom with clear, well defined boundaries. The children are involved in the family decision making process and are also encouraged to find solutions to their own problems.

Effect on children:

• Children brought up this way are self- confident.
• They easily make friends.
• They do not bully others and are confident enough to not get bullied.
• Sense of safety and security is high since they are confident they can depend on their parents.
• These teens show less risky behaviour in terms of drug abuse etc.